Are you sharpening your crayons?
this rant is back by the insistence of its owner "donkeyspank" who wrote it back in 2004 and has been constantly crying that its not made the transition from my old ubergene blog to this one...so, you little girl, after much digging through old files...here it is!
I bet you've run out of the red one haven't you?! The red one is always the most-used crayon of the whole box. Conversely, the yellow is under-used, but not as much as the white crayon. Nobody has ever figured that out.
It's actually one of those unsolved mysteries of mankind, why they bother including a white crayon in the box... it must be something to do with our early ancestors living in caves.
I bet the cavemen were really frustrated when they were making all those cave paintings coz they wanted to include things like claws, teeth, eyes and such, but had no way of getting white ochre or mud or whatever...
so I can imagine it's one of those instincts of mankind to include a white crayon whenever possible, even though in these modern times white colouring is easy to come by and so nobody ever wants or needs it anymore...
but it's so ingrained in our subconscious minds that we "need" white crayons that if we were to exclude the white crayon we'd have a kind of social meltdown...
and there would be hundreds upon thousands of "creative types" freaking out for reasons that they just wouldn't understand...
and gradually, the arts would suffer, which would have a knock on effect to the rest of society...
before you know it, the legal system would collapse, the global economy would crumble, law and order would corrode away, dictatorships would overwhelm the democratic states and the entire world would degenerate into a whirling mass of chaos and brimstone...
murder would be commonplace, respect for your fellow man would be extinct, we'd all regress to pre-caveman basic instincts...
the structure of our very lives would collapse and we'd all suffer as a consequence...
darker crayons, such as browns and blacks, would gain supporters, cults would spring up from nowhere worshipping the power and might of the black crayon, whereas white-crayon worshippers would be victimised and hunted down, killed, mutilated and eaten in a zombie-inspired flesh-feast...
there'd be no escape either, and gradually mankind would organise small clans of like-minded survivors, and they would hunt down and destroy all white-crayons on earth, and would eventually learn to associate all of the pain and misery not just with white crayons but with all things white...
there'd be no more ice cream, no more seagulls, albinos would be in real trouble, bird shit would be outlawed (punishable by murder, mutilation and mass-eating, zombie style), plastic cups would be destroyed, china plates would be smashed to smithereens, printer paper would all be re-coloured to darker shades like black, brown and possibly dark blue, snow would be banned...
anyone found standing out in the snow would be hunted down, murdered again, mutilated and you guessed it eaten piece by piece in a frenzied zombie flesh feast...
this would lead to all people living indoors during the winter months, which in turn would lead them to seek shelter underground, in tunnels and holes and underground caverns...
mankind would shun the daylight, despise the angry hot shiny god of the sky but would also hate the shiny cold god of the night sky due to it being a shiny white colour...
basically we'd be screwed, all of mankind would eventually become anaemic, skin colouring would pale over the generations due to the lack of exposure to melanin from the sun, we'd all gradually become whiter and whiter, the ultimate nightmare, slowly and inevitably becoming exactly what we'd hate, man would turn against man, there'd be a final global genocide and the straggled remnants of humankind would destroy each other. There'd be no alternative. No other path. No way out.
THIS is the legacy of the white crayon.
You have been warned.
Right I'm off to the boozer now.
rant generated on the 19th Nov 2004 by donkeyspank
2 comments - Posted by mark at 9:04 AM - Categories: Ranting
